Moving Through Change

"We're going on a bear hunt.

We're going to catch a big one.

What a beautiful day!

We're not scared.

Oh-oh! A forest!

A big, dark forest.

We can't go over it.

We can't go under it.

Oh, no!

We've go to go though it!"

Do you recognize the above excerpt from the beloved children's story, We're Going on a Bear Hunt, by Michael Rosen?

The verse reminds me of change. When you first decide to embark on a new adventure it's exhilarating, fun, and full of exciting possibilities. Then you begin the journey and change starts coming at you in ways you weren't quite prepared for. So you put your problem solving skills to work, can you go over it? Around it? Under it? Somehow avoid it?

Nope. You've got to go through it. And that is where the real adventure begins!

In 2016 my life felt like one big winding adventure, full of change. Change of address. Change of business location. Change in my day-to-day routine. You name it, it was changing. And let me tell you, change is hard.

Change can stir emotions of self doubt, anxiety, fear, sadness, frustration, disappointment and more. Yet at the same time, change can bring feelings of excitement, happiness, gratitude, hope, and inspiration.

One thing is for sure: whether the change you face is positive or negative, with change comes challenge. Because change takes us out of our comfort zone, tests our resolves, asks us to stretch past our perceived limits, invites us to do new things and experience new feelings. Basically change recruits our mental, physical and emotional resources.

Action Changes Things.

The coach in me says change brings "adventure, excitement and the opportunity to hone strengths and problem solve." But the vulnerable human and "client" inside me says that's not always how change actually feels.

Sometimes change feels like a struggle, like something to fight against, a "thing" to push off for another time. And that's because like so many people, I prefer change on my own terms. Controllable change. A bit of an oxymoron isn't it? While you might be able to plan and prepare for many types of change - like getting married, having a baby, moving into a new home, starting a new job, working toward a new goal - all the thoughts and feelings that pop up are not so easy to prepare for.

That's because every action we take has the ability to change things, sometimes without us even realizing it. Which means even when change is planned, we can't truly see exactly what that change will bring with it. Life is always changing and evolving.

Learning the hard way.

So in 2016 when I made the decision to embark on some pretty big changes; I sold my home, moved my business, moved in with my then boyfriend (now husband), added a step-son to the mix and a whole host of other changes, the leaps of faith I needed to further my dreams and goals were exciting and also pretty scary.

As I charted a course for these impending changes, I was excited, happy, anxious, curious, inspired, motivated, fearful - lots of wonderful feelings and emotions entangled. Overall I remember feeling pretty confident I could manage the "load."

However, as the wheels of change sprung into motion and the momentum took hold, I quickly realized I was not fully prepared. I wasn't ready for the instability, the uncertainty, the overwhelm, the fear, the frustrations and disappointments. I started to feel like I was riding a roller coaster, and even at the best theme parks, roller coaters were really NOT my jam.

I started to doubt myself, wondering why in the past change had often felt like an opportunity to problem solve, prove my strength, learn and grow. Yet this time, it felt downright defeating and honestly draining.

Then one day it hit me. I was not tackling ONE change, but several changes all at once (over achiever anyone) and yet I somehow expected myself to navigate them all simultaneously, and well. I started to realize that within the changes that were happening I'd lost a sense of myself, my routines were out of whack, I felt a loss of control, and I didn't like it. It made me feel incredibly vulnerable. All that had been comfortable and familiar was gone, aside from my pup who moved with me, but she too was struggling with the change, which further challenged my mental, physical and emotional resolves. And the pace I was trying to take all this change at, I was quickly realizing was not only unrealistic, it was unhealthy and unsustainable.

So now what?

Well, some pretty interesting things happen when you undergo major life changes. Your flight or fight response is triggered. Your weaknesses are highlighted as much as your strengths. You realize stress is overshadowing the joy. And you feel how truly vulnerable you are.

Sounds dreadfully awful doesn't it? The good news is some pretty great things can happen too. You remember the power of your mind. You rediscover gratitude for small and simple things. You appreciate small and simple steps of action. You acknowledge your limits and create healthier boundaries. You realize you do have choices, and that's where you're control lies, in the daily choices you make.

The "A-ha!" moment.

Just as Socrates said, "focus all of your energy not into fighting the old but on building the new." I started to realize I wasn't going to get where I wanted to go without putting my energy into the hear and now first. I had to choose a positive mindset and allow for things to unfold naturally. I had to learn to make the best decisions I could with the knowledge I had right now and not worry about what was coming next.

In short had to redefine success and what it meant to me. Wishing and worrying, whining and complaining, yes even kicking and screaming, they weren't going to get me where I wanted to be faster and it certainly wasn't going to make it feel any easier.

I had been clinging to the life I'd built before, feeling frustrated and discouraged that I was now a fish out of water and wondering if I'd blown up the life I'd worked so hard for. And it wasn't helping me. I had to learn I could appreciate my past, be proud of it, and not let it define (or limit) my future. There was still so much possibility on the horizon, I had only finished one chapter of my book. There was so much left to write, and what if the story got BETTER? Perspective: what a gift!

As I started to adjust my expectations, give myself grace for navigating a new normal and finding my footing, I was able to accept where I was, and appreciate it. Instead of missing where I was, I could acknowledge and appreciate it, and still grow too. What could I accomplish now, how could I grow, what might be next?

Change teaches us that...

• Sometimes what we're most resistant to can actually be the best for you.

• You can't focus on building something new while holding on too tightly to the past.

• Every action has a reaction - good or bad.

• It's okay to hit pause, reassess, reroute and redirect your energy.

• Be willing to ask for help, and be willing to receive it

• Routines are a wonderful thing, but being stuck in a routine does not allow for growth.

• Sometimes you have to get uncomfortable to truly find comfort again.

• When plan A doesn't work, look for plan B, C, D, E.... keep going as far down that alphabet as you need to.

• People will be there for you, if you let them.

• Wisdom, laughter, joy, love and friendship can come from surprising and unexpected places.

• Everything, absolutely everything is temporary.

  
  

I am a work in progress.

That was then, and this is now. I have learned a lot, grown a lot, changed a lot while still being true to the core of who I am. And it's been exciting and exhilarating, and sometimes excruciating and exhausting! That's the beauty of life.

The good and the bad can co-exist. We don't have to choose one or the other. We can have BOTH. peaceful environment. I have come to appreciate the moments when I can breathe deeply, reflect and slow down to appreciate those small and simple things. Because change will come again. And when it does, I may or may not be ready for it, but I will do my best to embrace it.

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